Coming Home to Our Bodies When Our Bodies Feel Anything But Relaxing, Safe and Cozy… Like a Home Should Be

Chronic health conditions carry a huge weight for so many of us. Grief, loneliness, shame, doubt, disconnection, hopelessness, depression and anger can arise in response to feeling out of control with our bodies. When we make space for them and also cultivate internal skills for being more at ease with pain, it is possible to live a more free and vibrant life – even if we are in pain. 

Pain doesn’t have to mean suffering or stress...

In this moment, I’m sitting here looking out my window at the trees and the grass after a very long rain. The sun is coming out and the drops on the trees are fresh and shimmering in light. My heart feels full and relaxed and I feel a deep gratitude for all of the abundance available to me here in this very moment.

There’s a lot happening right now in the world. There is so much suffering and fear and separation between people and communities and hearts. And, a lot has happened in the past year in my life. More loss than I ever thought I’d be able to handle. With all of that, my heart feels more full than it ever has. And I feel more clear and grounded in my purpose and body with a great warmth that encompasses it all.

THIS is what a Fierce Heart feels like.

Being able to continue to keep my heart open amidst all of the ups and downs that this human life brings.  Staying committed to deepening into love and healing a covered heart amidst so much tragedy and confusion. THIS is what a Fierce Heart Feels like.

One week ago I emerged out of the desert from my sixteenth meditation retreat – also called a Vipassana or Insight retreat.  This particular retreat was 10 days, however others I’ve attended in this tradition range from 5 days to 1 month through Spirit Rock Meditation Center and Against the Stream.  Retreats are humbling, challenging, nourishing and eye opening for me. One might think the higher the number, the easier they get but that has not always been my experience.  However, it has repeatedly been 100% worth the challenge, time and money. 

Some things do get easier like getting in the rhythm of the schedule and knowing that the discomfort in my body will pass after the first couple of days from sitting for more than 6 hours a day (thank GOODNESS for an hour of Qi Gong each day).  The body starts settling in and remembering how good it feels to be still after a few days and then the mind generally tends to follow in its path.

I can hardly believe our retreat was a month ago!  In this talk and meditation from the final night of our Metta: Fierce Heart Women's Retreat, I share some personal experiences and practices around how to work with difficulty using mindfulness IN THE BODY.  I offer a meditation practice that helps us pull apart the stories from the reality of what's actually happening which will lead us much more often to feeling more spacious and at ease and possibly even more joyful.

Here's another opportunity to peek into our life on retreat last month and listen to our evening talk.  We had an incredible weekend of exploring the inner landscapes of our hearts and minds and the outer landscapes of Cedar Ridge which was gorgeously sunny and inviting.  I can hardly wait for next year's retreat!

Life is a Journey, Not a Destination...  This was the motto of the college I went to nearly 20 years ago - Prescott College.  I sure thought I knew what that meant at the time and I've realized over the years that it's not just about getting in the car and running off on adventures and never settling down.  

Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel like you "should" be enjoying yourself and feeling peaceful but you're stuck feeling everything but that?

This talk and meditation was given on our lovely retreat a few weekends ago.  If you didn't get to join us...  you can listen in now.

We so often long to be able to be present to the beauty around us and to feel like we're truly there instead of stuck in anxiety or disconnection.  These topics of Mindfulness, Neural Pathways & better understanding the Fight/Flight/Freeze/Collapse/Attach mechanisms inside our brains and offer important information as to why we're wired the way we are and how we can move towards more and more freedom with the right kind of mindfulness and therapy. 

This next several weeks of blog posts are a window into our very special retreat land.  We had a beautiful time out there in Vernonia last weekend meditating, basking in the sun by the river, chanting, doing yoga and mindfully connecting.  A genuine, fierce, and heart-felt group of self identified women came together to practice Mindfulness and Metta (Pali word for Loving-Kindness or Unconditional Friendliness).  If you couldn't make it... we missed you!  

Here is the first opening night's Welcome talk, Meditation and a Short Teaching as an invitation to all of us right here & right now to put down the distractions and drop our minds into our hearts and simply listen.

I get it... I was one of those people who would shut my eyes and feel more chaotic.  I felt more anxious and sometimes very frightened and agitated.  Meditating seemed to make things worse rather than better. I muscled my way through the practices because I heard it could help.  And I was sure I'd already tried everything else.  

The way meditation was taught when I first found these practices 15 years ago wasn't trauma-informed. 

Whether you know you have an eating disorder or are thinking you might have one, a good idea is to get an assessment from a mental health professional who specializes in eating disorders.  A good assessment should take at least three sessions (in my professional opinion) so that the therapist can get as full of a picture as possible when trying to help you understand yourself and your eating disorder better.

For psychology purposes, the word "Somatic" encompasses many modalities, orientations and schools of thought.  Somatic refers to the body.  Memories, thoughts and emotions are stored in the body.  When we are telling a story about the past, the body experiences it as if it is happening in the present moment.