What happened when I started celebrating.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the power of celebrating with others. It was introduced to me in a more formal way a few years ago in a partner exercise where we’d spend about a half hour with each other one person sharing, the other listening and then switching. We’d start with a few minutes of celebrating what’s going well in our lives, a few minutes clearing what’s challenging us and a few minutes saying what we desire or what we’re calling in.
I’m the kind of person that used to radically roll my eyes at things like this. At first glance, it felt kind of superficial. I was also conditioned to be humble and not to brag. Clearing was SUPER easy… I could talk all day about my edges and the things that were feeling hard but whenever I had to celebrate I’d be blank, I’d feel uncomfortable, I’d feel irritated and sad. It often would bring up the opposite of celebrations. But this was our assignment for a whole year together, my partner and I. And I stayed with it.
What began to happen was a few things. It deepened the relationship between my partner and I because she got to know pieces of my life she hadn’t known before and felt more connected getting a whole picture. When I would share what I was proud of or felt good about in my life and she genuinely was happy for me and I could see it on her face, I started to feel really supported and like it was really ok to feel good sometimes. I think there had been times where I felt so guilty for what I had that celebrating with someone might somehow take away from their experience or make them think I thought I was better than them or they may pull away somehow… that didn’t happen… we became even more connected and I felt like there was someone in my corner that truly wanted me to have these successes in my life.
I was also the kind of person who was a perfectionist (ok… I’m still working on this one ;-)... and I wouldn’t let myself feel successful or proud unless I had pulled something off 100% and I felt it was worth telling people about. I didn’t celebrate the successes in between… all the little ones that carried me forward. I’m learning now that when I let myself celebrate all the little successes throughout the day and the things that feel good, I am MUCH kinder to myself and much LESS down on myself or full of doubt or insecurity. It has really grown my confidence and trust and belief in myself in doing all of the things I aspire to do and being all of the ways I aspire to be by celebrating as much as I possibly can.
I start most sessions with clients by asking them if they’d like to share a few celebrations and in the beginning some people feel just awful when I ask that. They look like deer in headlights and their whole bodies freeze or they want to run. And we work with this and why it makes so much sense that the idea of celebrating might feel like such an incredible threat to their system. It can bring up a lot of fear and feeling a lack of safety. There are so many reasons why this can happen and it’s so important to really embrace this with compassion and slow down to make space for anything that comes up around this. We are taught so many things that tell us it’s not ok to share what’s good… better to share what we’re suffering about. Or neither!
There are other clients who just soak it up. Every ounce. And honestly this is me now too. Once I got on a roll I saw what healing this brought to me and there is something incredibly healing about being witnessed in celebrations. That someone cares enough to be with us and to really really GET why this matters and why it’s important that we’re feeling proud of these particular things.
It makes me think of little little kids and their parents or caregivers and how those kids just want to soak up every drop of adoration and be seen in such a supportive and excited light. And how when parents are attuned, they’re really excited when their kids need that care and attention. They look at them with loving eyes and clap with them and smile with them and show them that they’re important and they matter. We’re re-patterning this with each other. Making space for each other to be seen and to matter. Because let’s be real… life can be pretty hard and we need people on our side seeing all that we’ve been through and cheering us along… how good does that feel?
When we can be with each other and ourselves through all of the celebrations and all of the challenges, we feel so much more connected. I’d love to hear from you… what are 3 things that are going well in your life right now? Or what are 3 things you’re super proud of? Or what are 3 things you just want to brag about? I’d love to celebrate with you and honor you.
And… try writing down at least a few things every day that you’re celebrating and sharing them with a friend or family member or partner… and ask them what they’re celebrating. You’ll notice the conversation feels a bit different than in the past. It’s pretty beautiful.