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ABOUT SHELBY

Let's Go, Deep Into the Fire...

I believe in change. Not that superficial, quick fix kind. I know that we can completely transform our relationship to our "stuff", ourselves, and others.

We've all got stuff. I do, too.  I fell in love with this work because it changed me in ways I could never have imagined possible – it gave me Freedom, Trust in myself, and the ability to access my Heart, my capacity for Steadiness, and a sense of Radiant Confidence.

I'm not here to help you just "think positive" or transcend everything. I'm here to roll up my sleeves with you, and move through the blocks and the hard stuff in a compassionate, connected, real, and dedicated way.

Healing our relationship to the wounds and traumas we carry, at its core, a willingness to honestly feel and be with our feelings no matter what they are. Pushing them away, figuring them out or trying to fix them results in a never ending cycle of getting pulled out of the present moment and away from the goodness and capacity for RESILIENCE right here and right now. There are many ways to learn to do this and the most effective ways depend on you and your nervous system, body, heart and mind which we can discover together.

 
 
 
 
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My Story: Before Revolution

Intimate relationships and even many friendships were filled with so much confusion. I desired to feel deeply connected and full of love but I often felt alone and like I was missing something that came to others easily.  In intimate relationships, I had an imagined experience of how beautiful they were supposed to be and whenever I found myself in one I felt pretty broken.

I felt much safer in my introverted home-body shy self. Much of my life appeared fun and captivating from the outside, but the inside was in turmoil and full of uncertainty, perfectionism, shame, doubt, and panic. The level of unhappiness I felt swallowed me up on a daily basis. It felt impossible to be still, to settle, to allow any sense of joy or pleasure or “ok-ness” in - we call this a “nourishment barrier” in psychotherapy. I was uncomfortable all of the time except in the beginning moments of flirtations or relationships where I felt full of hope and joy and lightness and like I was truly myself.

I avoided feeling by staying on the move, and clinging for positive attention from people in all the wrong places. I linked my happiness and “ok-ness” to whether or not others felt I was special which kept me in a loop of over-giving to others and chronically abandoning myself and my unique needs and desires. I coped with it all by using various substances. And hiding the shadow parts of myself at all costs. Most people saw me as a sweet and gentle person (and likely socially awkward because I was so anxious!) and on the inside I was everything but that. I was unconsciously full of judgement and shame.

I loved the idea of myself in relationship in my mind’s eye – I was full hearted, receptive, kind, adventurous, easy-going, generous and fun. But when a relationship got REAL? I couldn’t figure out how to let my true self out. I couldn’t trust myself not to hurt my own heart or hurt other’s hearts.

I chose a lot of the “wrong” people so that I could prove to myself I wasn’t worth sticking around for or that I was too broken to be loved.

I chose a lot of the “right” people but I didn’t love myself enough to let them love me.

I was like a goldfish: When relationships ended, they tended to feel devastatingly painful, however I would forget about it immediately and jump to the next exciting romance without learning any new tools or having built more trust, love and worthiness inside myself.  It’s like that famous quote, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”...That’s exactly how I felt.  

Awakening REAL Revolutionary Love...

One night I woke up out of feeling hopeless and realized:

I had to stop outsourcing my love.

No one on the planet was going to keep me feeling the sense of joy and ease I felt when relationships were new - no matter how amazing they were. I got it on a visceral level - in this awakening I knew I could no longer cause this amount of pain and suffering for myself any longer.

I realized I’d been blaming everyone except myself AND I was waiting for someone to rescue me from this pain.

I worked incredibly hard to figure out how to have some glimmer of an inner part of myself that could stay steady and love me no matter what.  It not only was a glimmer, it was a fire that began to burn strong. This was gold.

Much of this comes out of my Buddhist meditation background. The gifts that have come from this practice over the past 15 years have been revolutionary. To be able to sit with everything from intense suffering and loss to intense pleasure and bliss AND even the mundane (this is hardest for us intensity junkies), with curiosity and kind awareness and receptivity, we can sit with ANYTHING.  When we can stay connected to our open hearts amidst conflict, unworthiness and the unknown we have a best friend there right with us to keep us company and help us think clearly and remember our true essence.

Rewiring my nervous system to be able to tolerate big love AND big challenge in its many forms has shown me how to be present for the love that is in my life and give and receive love in a way that feels whole, full, grounded, intimate and passionate.

It is from THIS knowing that I offer this work. I have lived it and I believe in it and I want everyone to be able to experience this kind of love.

Love without leaving yourself.
Love that’s overflowing.
Love that’s grounded.
Love that’s inspiring.
Love that’s sustainable and connected.

Today I help people find their own authentic expressions of inner and outer love.

The work I offer is a woven fusion of Body-based Trauma Treatment, Somatic Psychotherapy, Sexuality-Love-Relationship Coaching, Dharma, Tantra, and Mindfulness.

It has all been the foundation on which I’ve built my own freedom and it’s what I’m excited to weave with you and all that you bring to this deep and collaborative process.

 

QUALIFICATIONS

  • Senior Teacher at the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality supporting Sex, Love, Relationship Coaches in Training in the art of guiding clients with integrity, skill, compassion, presence and trauma-awareness.

  • Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) with the Oregon Board of Licensed Professional Counselors and Therapists. License #C4323 (License currently on hold while living around the world).

  • MA, Somatic Psychotherapy from California Institute of Integral Studies (CIIS).

  • Sex, Love & Relationship Coaching Certification 1-Year Intensive Coaching Training with Layla Martin and The Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality.

  • Certificate in Mindfulness Facilitation from UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC).

  • Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Level I Certification – a treatment modality that understands the body-brain connection in trauma through the lens of neuroscience. Its focus is on both the psychological and physical manifestations of trauma and this focus results in more integrated healing.

  • Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Level I Certification – the study of how language (body language and internal and external speech) shape our belief systems which shape how we are in the world. NLP provides tools to move towards what we want and helps get in touch with what keeps us from getting there.

  • Trained in both conventional and body-oriented approaches to psychotherapy and coaching. These therapeutic methods address the crucial role of the body in the structure and process of the psyche.

  • Extensive work with clients navigating sexuality and relationship issues, spiritual inquiry, complex trauma, chronic illness, eating disorders and chronic pain.

  • Over 15 years experience as a meditation practitioner and facilitator in the Insight/Vipassana tradition.


Want to work together?

I help people find their own authentic expressions of inner and outer love. My work is the woven fusion of Dharma, of Psychology, of Tantra, of Somatics and of Mindfulness.

Please complete this confidential application form to will help us both get a sense of if this work is the best fit for your highest growth and healing. This form is for folks who are excited about diving into work together and showing up for themselves fully.