What if Nothing Was Wrong?
Who would you be if nothing was wrong? This is a question I ask myself from time to time. It’s a therapeutic question I drop in there from time to time because my habitual thinking tendency is to look for what’s wrong - it’s a way I survived. It’s a way I made sure to keep track of anything that could go wrong, so I could get away from it or fix it or protect myself in some way if I needed to.
The thing is… that way of being became so embedded in EVERYTHING, that it was the normal way my mind ran over and over again - even when things weren't wrong. One way that many of us coped with things being wrong around us when we were little was to make ourselves wrong or broken. We did this because, if we understood it was what was happening outside of us, then we’d become frightened because we wouldn’t know where our safety would come from. Where would our safe haven be?
If it was our primary caregivers/parents that were causing harm or dis-ease, we couldn't get in touch with the feeling that what they were doing was wrong because that would mean that we had no one to care for us, no one to trust, no sense of belonging. Instead, unconsciously internalizing the "wrong-ness" or "brokenness" of the situation is the best bet to a child and then it gets carried forward through life.
If you’re someone who’s internalized “something’s wrong”, you may be running an old operating system. It may be that these days everything is relatively ok. Or possibly even better than that. But because you’re mind is stuck in that habit pattern or neural pathway, that’s just what it pays attention to because it's used to paying attention in that way. It's like it gets stuck in that gear and doesn't know how to find another one.
In this video, I share an experience I had in meditation the other day where I found pieces of myself that I hadn’t been in connection with. They were beautiful and at peace, and I’d never known them before because I simply hadn’t been paying attention to them. I describe a way I used to be with myself in practices like meditation where I’d go mindlessly on a hunt for what was wrong and what might be there to fix instead of allowing space to feel other things as well.
My hope is that this brings you some freedom and peace in your relationship to yourself and even a newfound experience of meeting new parts of yourself you may have never known before.
Let me know what you find.
Click on the photo to watch the video. You can also watch or listen to it HERE.