Embracing anxiety in intimate relationships. Especially in transitions and distance.
I’ve gone back and forth as to whether to share this personal moment with you. It feels vulnerable to share this! And… in my heart of hearts I know it’s the vulnerable and very human moments that connects me to you.
Here I share about a recent moment where I was struggling with some anxiety around navigating a big transition in relationship.
Transitions have never been my forté - they were never as smooth as I needed them growing up and I have carried that with me in my body and my heart.
While they can still be difficult, the amount of love and compassion I can access in those moments have increased A LOT. And this is my wish for you. No matter what you’re facing, I hope you can have an inner sense of presence and kindness.
In this video, I share a tender moment where my anxiety had been kicked up in a transition from being in close proximity to someone I love and then on opposite sides of the planet. I offer some thoughts and reflections around how to find empowerment and compassion amidst these kinds of shifts.
Scroll down for more thoughts on attachment...
**Click on the photo to watch the video. You can also watch or listen to it HERE.
If you’re unfamiliar with “Adult Attachment Styles”, they’re big these days in Psychotherapy, Trauma Treatment and many Coaching styles. It comes out of studies they did with babies and their primary caregivers and they learned what would happen to them and their nervous systems with different styles of parenting.
They learned that way we attached to our primary caregivers often became how we related to our close intimate partners (and others) throughout life. There are 4 main adult attachment styles - 1. Secure. 2. Anxious. 3. Avoidant. 4. Fearful-Avoidant. (#1 is Secure and #2-4 are Insecure for simplicity).
The good news is that we're finding that they can be changed! “Earned Secure Attachment” is something I aspire to and, in moments, I’m finding I have more of it. It’s also something that I hold for my clients and students that they too can find a place in themselves that feels comfortable in connection and safe in being able to be close to others…to be able to depend on them while feeling connected in a healthy way.
It’s not that we’re never anxious in relationship - it’s HOW WE ARE WITH OURSELVES WHEN THE ANXIETY ARISES. This is a game changer for ourselves and our partners.
I’d really love to hear your own reflections and experiences around this in your life and how this video has impacted the way you navigate long-distance and transitions.