4 Foolproof Steps to Creating a Repair in personal or professional relationships.
I’ve been thinking about repairs a lot lately and how they contribute to deepening trust and a container of increased safety in relationship. When people are mindful enough to pay attention to when they’ve done something that cause (minor or major) distress in another, it can be a game changer when taking the time to acknowledge that out loud and go through these 4 easy steps to create a genuine repair.
Whether it’s in a friendship, or a professional relationship. Whether you’re a doctor, a therapist or a yoga teacher, slowing down enough to connect in this way and bring light to what has just happened builds a more solid relationship again and again.
The key is being able to notice when another feels missed or slighted or unseen in some way. Something to begin to pay attention to is when changes are happening or you’re doing something out of the norm. People with trauma are especially sensitive and can become overwhelmed (whether or not you can see it on their faces) when shifts happen. It can be something as simple as a schedule change (which I mention in the video), a location change, an unspoken change in the contract or in something less simple like placing your hands on someone without asking permission first (consent) or saying something you hadn’t realized was offensive to them.
You might be able to tell in your own body that something feels off all of a sudden but not sure why. Anxiety, blankness, aversion, contraction and changes in breath are great indicators that something may be going on between the two of you and even if you don’t know what it is… get curious and ASK!
From this place you can learn a lot and see if something needs to be repaired that you were unaware of.
YOU CAN ALSO LET SOMEONE KNOW THAT A REPAIR IS NEEDED IF YOU’RE FEELING MISSED! This is a huge sign of healing when you’re able to do this. To advocate for your needs with agency (being in action) and letting yourself know it is absolutely fine to do this is an incredible way to remind yourself you’re worthy and you matter.
Check out the 4 steps in the video and hear a bit about a recent experience I went through with a wellness provider. Anytime we’re coming in as a patient or client, we’re putting ourselves in their care. It can feel vulnerable and intimate to be sharing about our health and bodies and emotional worlds. We need to hold our providers to this quality of care and let them know how to care for us with the respect we deserve.
Click on the image to watch the video.